3 Easy Ways to Piss off your Artist

1. Get Wasted before your appointment.

   Friday nights are the worst for this. One lady stumbled into the shop with a black eye and scrapes all over her face, she slurred out something like, "iwannagetatattootonight". For kicks I asked her, "What do you want?". "'Ilovedrugs iwanitnon my forehead." I told it would cost $2,000. "Lemmegogetthemoney". Never returned, big surprise. It doesn't matter if you made the appointment sober, you can't get tattooed in Oregon if you're drunk or show signs of IV drug use. It's the LAW.



2. Squiggle during your tattoo.

   You can seriously mess up your artwork doing this. One girl I tattooed kept squiggling during the outlines. I told her to stop moving around. When I got to a line near her lovehandle, she levitated out of the chair. I took my foot of the foot-switch to stop the machine and raised the machine high above her skin, but she jumped so high that the needle poked a small dot on the side of her design. I had to add "sparkles" to make it fit with the rest. To top it off she bitched about having to pay extra for the sparkles. You move, you pay.



3. Spit your guts out and confess to crimes.

   I like talking to clients during the tattoo. It's one of the reasons I love this art form; you get to see people in their purest and crudest state, but there are some stories I can do without. Don't burden your artist with all the nasty details of how you did your sister when you were younger. It's awkward. And isn't that you're sister holding your hand?

Are Color Tattoos Safe?

For some people they're safe, for others they are dangerous. Color carries risk. Yellow, for example, is made of cadmium yellow (potential carcinogen), ochres, curcuma yellow, chrome yellow, or disazodiarylide. Curcuma is derived from plants of the ginger family; a few people are allergic to it. Adverse reactions are commonly associated with yellow pigments, in part because more pigment is needed to achieve a bright color. Red and blue have similar stories.

Reactions vary in severity. Sometimes it means delayed healing, other times the body just spits the ink back out, but other times it's more severe, resulting in blisters and scarring. I'll spare you the gross images. If you want to see them, then just do a Google Image search for: Tattoo Allergic Reactions.

The worst thing about COLORED tattoo ink is the "proprietary" color trade-secret. Companies DON'T have to place the ingredients on the ink bottle because the color is considered a "TRADE SECRET". That's BS and irresponsible. Consumer health is more important; besides, Oregon doesn't allow artist to make their own ink. Ink must be purchased from a commercial manufacturer, BUT THERE IS NO REGULATION for the manufacture of the INK!!!!! WTH?

How to Check an Artist's Portfolio

There are many qualities to look for in good tattoo artwork. But it doesn't take art expert to spot a few tell tale marks of a good/experienced tattoo artist. Here are five things to look for when you inspect a tattoo artist's portfolio:

1. Clean, solid, stable lines.

   Line-work is paramount in tattooing. Lines hold the design together; they also determine to a large extent the longevity of the tattoo. Here's what to look for in the lines:

   • Solid, connected lines.

     The lines should NOT be shaky. Shaky lines indicate inexperience. Solid lines require proper machine set-up and tuning, choice of needle configuration, and a stable hand.

   • No "foggy lines".

     Foggy lines in LINE-WORK and Blowouts put you at risk. If you see a hazy line, run. The tattoo artist went too deep or tilted his or her hand causing a blowout. You should NOT see blowouts or foggy lines in a portfolio.

   • Even line-weight.

     Uneven line-weight or variance in the thickness in the line, unless it's obviously intentional, usually means the artist is either lifting his or hand or failing to maintain a steady speed while inking. Either mistake leads to weak, unpredicable line-work.



2. Solid Fill.

   Fill should NOT be spotty or dotty; it should be evenly toned throughout the filled area. It should also connect to the line or color border. Some artists do fill in multiple sessions to ensure bright, vibrant color. An artist who uses that technique will include a picture of the tattoo AFTER it is healed. If you see lots of "weepy" oozing tattoos in the portfolio, choose another artist. Excessive weeping results from overworking the skin, wanting to put too much color in one sitting.



3. Smooth Color Blends and Shading.

   Uneven dotty blending of color patchy shading indicate a lazy or inexperienced artist. Color blends and shading should look airbrushed. Good color blends and shading aren't an accident. They require proper machine tuning, needle configuration choice, and a practiced hand. (There is an exception to this. Some Old Skool Art has "California spit", the shading is decoratively dotty, not sloppy. I'm guesing that if you know about California spit, you're a true connoisseur and know how to spot good work already.)



4. Good, quality artwork.

   Good lines, solid fills, and smooth gradients can't overcome a crappy design. You want to make sure that your artist knows how to create quality art. He or she should have a firm grasp of proportion, perspective, color theory and other artistic aspects of tattoo design.



5. Good Expression of Concept.

   This refers to how the artist interprets and translates the design request. It doesn't matter how technically proficient or even how talented he or she is artistically; if he or she cannot create a design that effectively communicates your idea, you'll end with a bad tattoo. In my opinion, tattoo designs should be simple, you should be able to recognize the design from half way across the room. If an artist can't translate your idea into a simple, effective design, it won't look good.