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Is your Tattoo Artist Obsolete? Automatic Tattoo Machine Invented

The inventor, Chris Eckert, pushes the boundaries of sculpture, technology, and art. Many of his extraordinary automaton inspired machines interact with their environment. When I last checked, he was working on a device that transcribes the gospel of Mark. It, however, reacts to sound. When the machine "hears" a noise, it makes a random error in its transcription.

So what does the glamorous contraption above do?

In a way, it's an automatic tattoo machine. Once the main switch is triggered, the operator is RANDOMLY assigned a religion. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc. The symbol for that religion, for instance a cross for Christianity, a star for Judaism, a crescent moon for Islam is tattooed onto the person’s arm. The operator does NOT have control over the assigned symbol.



The inventor, Chris Ekert, made a video of the machine in action.



It looks like a joke, but in fact it's sort of real. Any tattoo artist will tell you that you need to stretch the skin when tattooing, otherwise you get some very freaky skin snags. The leather strap on the machine does pull the skin a bit, but not enough for a real tattoo. Instead the design is simply drawn on the skin with a pen while the coils give that lovely, distinctive, tattoo, chattering buzz.

Since the machine does NOT give a REAL TATTOO, your tattoo artist is safe, for now. Some day, a machine will be invented. I, however, like many others would never get an automatic tattoo. It damages the whole experience, no silly, nervous jokes, no interesting, insightful conversations, and no awkward, weird pauses after the client tells you she just had an orgasm.

Catastrophic Kanji: A Terrifying Tale of Toxic Love

Rollin wanted the Chinese characters for “courage, strength and unity”. His girlfriend, Jane, loved the idea, "You should do it." she said, "And I know this great artist who can hook you up." When Rollin left, an evil smirk slid across her face.

At the tattoo shop, Rollin told his artist, Freddy Flesh Tones, what he wanted.
"No problem," said Freddy, "I'm a native speaker of Mandarin. We'll do the characters in cursive. It will be sick."

Rollin liked the design, he wasn't sure what it meant because he only speaks English, but it looked like other Chinese symbols he had seen before. Freddy inks the tattoo, Rollin loves it until his friend, Nevitt, sees it.

Nevitt says, "I didn't know you were gay."

Rollin is shocked, "Dude, you know I'm not gay."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but those symbols mean, 'He who loves men.' And that little thing there isn't a radical, it looks like a stylized penis."

Pissed, Rollin talked to Nevitt's friends who also confirm the meaning. A day after discovering the true meaning of the tattoo, Rollin finds out that Jane is cheating on him with Freddy Flesh Tones. She and Freddy orchestrated the whole thing.

Unfortunately, this tragic story is based on true events. I only changed the names to protect the innocent and to keep Rollin's legal options safe from infection. Make sure you know what your "Chinese Symbols" mean before you get them inked. Rollin clearly wasn't at fault, he got duped. Freddy Flesh Tone's wild, cold blooded cruelty is NOT the norm for tattoo artists. Let's just say that if Rollin's legal options don't pan out. Some other forms of justice will prevail.

5 Myths about Tattoo Artists

1. All Tattoo Artist are Created Equal.

   The truth is there are good tattoo artists and there are bad tattoo artists. Now that tattooing is so popular, anyone can buy a tattoo kit and scratch out some tattoos. Some scratchers have talent, others desire, but most don't have complete knowledge about how to properly and safely implant ink into the dermis. Licensed artists OR artists who have served an apprenticeship, will usually do a much better job than "some guy" in a garage. Infection control is much better in a shop than in a home. It all comes down to talent, dedication, and knowledge. It's also worth knowing that not every great artist can be a great tattoo artist. Tattooing has many psychological and technical components to it. Some artists are great oil painters, but crappy tattoo artists who can't stop their hands from shaking while they tattoo.



2. Tattoo Artists are Junkies, Convicts, & Thugs

   To be sure, some tattoo artists are. I once stepped into shop where the owner, thin as a stick figure, lit up a joint or PCP right in front of customers, who also looked like junkies. At the same shop, the lead artist would tattoo on Fridays with a bottle of Patron by his side. Drunk and or stoned out his mind. My instructor, must have flipped over in his grave at that one. He used to say, "Clean line. Clean mind. A tattoo records everything you do: good, bad or indifferent." Bob was kind of a mystic. But he was right.
   
   The tattoo industry is changing. More and more traditional artists are learning to tattoo. States such as Oregon have very strict tattoo laws, requiring schooling and basic medical training for tattoo artists. Most shops are clean and hire only the best artists.



3. Tattoo Artists Who Use Stencils, Can't Draw

   There are times when freehand art is called for, but most of the time. Stencils are faster. If your aritst chooses to use a stencil, that's his or her prerogative. It has nothing to do with his or her artistic talent. Stencils are great for realistic portraits, certain lettering, geometric designs, and other things that would be tedious to draw straight on the skin.



4. Tattoo Artists Shouldn't Get Tipped

   In most cases, the studio takes a percentage of the tattoo. The artist gets the remaining percent, but most studios require artists to supply their own ink, needles, needle-tubes, needle-tube-tips, and needle-tube-grips. These things cost money. Tips help your artist pay for his or her supplies and show appreciation. Tattooing is a service industry; so, it's RUDE NOT TO TIP.



5. Tattoo Artists are Rude & Grizzled

   Some tattoo artists are grizzled. And for good reason. Working at a busy shop can be stressful and some of the people who take a seat in the chair are irresponsible, stupid, and frustrating. How would you like it if you spent hours painting a beautiful portrait and then your canvas decided to run through the mud and dunk itself in a tub of bleach? Then when it's art got all fucked up, it blames YOU? Tattoo artists have to deal with that crap. A friend of mine tattooed a killer, full-color Zombie Elvis on this hick idiot. The guy who got the work done went swimming in a dirty lake the VERY NEXT day and the day after and the day after that. He didn't wash his tattoo after his swims, later that week--tattoo red and swollen--he enters a MUD wrestling contest. Needless to say, the dude had problems with healing. Some of the ink fell out. So what does he do? He blames my friend for this. He even threatened to sue. We laughed at him. Our aftercare sheet says in black and white NOT to swim until the tattoo is fully healed. That said, most artists return in kind. If you're polite so are they. After all, this is a service industry repeat customers and word of mouth are important.